An Empty Classroom

Bitty and I went with some other mom and baby friends to a spraypark today.  The littlest ones splashed in the bubblers and water tables, and the walking ones happily declared war on the sprayers!  We packed a lunch to eat in the picnic area, and it was probably my most favorite afternoon of the summer. 

Water tables make Bitty just want to DANCE

On our way home, we went by an elementary school.  Today must have been "meet the teacher" day, because I saw lots of parents and kids on the sidewalks; girls marching along in their skirts and mary janes and the boys in their jeans and collared shirts.  As we drove past, I found myself with tears in my eyes, reminded of the excitement and anxiety that I always felt on open house day. 

Except not this year. 

One of my favorite parts of the school year is the "getting ready" part.  Unpacking boxes, things seeming so new and clean (because I had gone to such painstaking lengths as I packed them away in June);  it's a new beginning, a fresh start. Usually, throughout the summer I had researched and thought and planned and daydreamed about the changes I would make for this year.   It was exciting to prep for the "new thing" that I was convinced would engage and enthuse my new students. 

Except not this year.

I miss my old profession.  Clearly. 

Yet, I am reminded everyday of why I made the decision to stay home with Bitty.  Such as the look upon Bitty's face when she climbs up and reaches the top of the stairs.  I think of opening the door to her nursery and seeing her awake from her nap, pulled up, and smiling over her crib with a look that says "Come and get me, mama.  I'm awake!"  Just today, she crawled through the unlatched baby gate into the kitchen, and then sat up on the other side, and closed the gate behind her, before continuing on in her pursuit of....well, who knows what.  Probably the trash can.  It was one of those moments that I realized, Ohmigod she's watching our every move.  She shut the gate just as we always do.  It was a moment that I wouldn't give anything for;  a moment that I again realized, I need to be here.

My teacher friends are all starting school next week.  They are all setting up their classrooms, attending the newest motivating inservice, and prepping for the school year (or at least grading period) ahead.  They are organizing their classrooms in such a way to serve as a "second teacher" and planning their directed lessons in a differentiated way so that they appeal to all of the students...The enhusiasm, the hope, and the potential of a new school year...of a new class of students...is exciting. 

And I miss it.

I write this, again, with tears in my eyes, of the tug-of-war struggle within me.  I love being with my own sweet baby, yet I love teaching your babies, too.

I'm honestly not sure how to end this post.  Except to say love your baby's teacher.  Because she loves your baby, too.