Crib Olympics

Do milestones count if  Bitty only does them in her crib when she thinks I'm not looking?  Little does she know I've been watching her on the monitor.  I caught her pushing up from her stomach into a sit, rocking on all fours, and grabbing on to the crib slats and looking up--I just know she was thinking about scaling that thing.  Today I heard her singing "mamamabada."  First of all, she NEVER says mama despite my intense coaching---it's always dada dada dada.  Secondly, she's never strung together different consonant sounds when I've been within earshot.  Then she pretends to be helpless and whines to be rescued when it's playtime in the living room.  I'm on to you now, Bitty.

How To Be An Extreme Couponer: Rule #1--Remember To Give The Cashier Your Coupons

Sometimes I just have to learn the hard way.

I just got started on this couponing thing.  I've been watching that Extreme Couponing show and realized I am such a sucker for paying for stuff when these hoarders masters of frugality are getting it all for practically free.  Ok, I don't actually intend on doing what those people do, I mean, come on, unless you plan on existing on raman noodles and cereal you're going to have to spend some money.   And plus, our house is small so I'm not stockpiling a thirteen-year supply of disposable razors.  But if I can save some money on stuff like toilet paper and body wash, that means I don't have to feel so guilty about my Starbucks.

I spent hours over the weekend pouring over couponing blogs, newspaper inserts, and signing up for various rewards programs online, just trying to get a handle on all of this.  There are like a million different ways to save money on items, and you have to piece it together just right to get the best prices.  I'm still trying to figure that part out.

So I had everything written down and planned so I could get the best deals on the products we could use.  I had my coupons paper clipped together and in my purse, ready to go.  On the way home from my shopping trip, I realized that I never actually gave those coupons to the cashier, and to make matters worse, I also didn't actually have a purchase total to qualify one of the big coupons.  Worst.  Couponer.  Ever.  Let's hope next week goes better.

What Does Bitty Have In Common With the Guys From Jersey Shore?

Creepin'!  

Bitty, Thanks For Finally Making Me Look Like a Good Mom

Do any of you parents ever read magazines, books, websites, etc. about parenting?  Yeah, thought so.  It's likely that you've frequently encountered the recommendation to read to your baby or child daily.  Good advice, since reading aloud to children is the single most important way to foster early literacy development.

All through pregnancy, I so looked forward to reading to Bitty.  While teaching, read alouds were my favorite part of the day.  I've got to say I'm pretty good at it.   And kids usually think so, too.  I love to ham it up and add sound effects, character voices, and insert dramatic pauses.  I use props and have even been known to get into costume.  Children's literature is a guilty pleasure of mine, and our book collection reflects that.  Presently, Bitty has 42 board books, five soft cloth books, two crinkle books, and I have ten file-sized boxes in the attic filled with picture books that I have accumulated over the years.  I counted one of those boxes, and there were 92 books inside.  Which means....dear god, there are nearly 1,000 children's books in this house!  I could start a lending library!

Now that you know this, you can imagine the irony that for the first seven months of her life, Bitty HATED being read to.  As soon as I sat down with her and pulled out a board book, she would scream and twist and squirm until I gave up.  I pulled out all my usual tricks, and even tried singing the words to her, as she is the only person on the face of the earth who doesn't cover their ears and cringe when I sing.  I could not get this child interested.

We had a turning point when I purchased a new book for her, called Moo Baa La La La!It has animal noises and lots of opportunity for silliness.  I read it to her for the first time in full performance mode, and she laughed!  Hysterically!  She turned the pages!  She went back to her favorite page where the sheep says "Baa" and whined for me to read it again!

So now we can get through two or three books in a sitting and I am relieved that I will not have to suffer the humiliation of having a child that despises reading.  That would be embarrassing, you know?

Terror On The Plane

We recently returned from a week long trip to Cozumel, Mexico, where we celebrated  the nuptials of my little sister.  We brought Bitty along with us because (a) this trip was so dang expensive there is no way that we are taking any sort of family vacation this year, and (b) even with brainpower combined, we have the foresight of a sea sponge.

The amount of actual in-air flying time wasn't so horrible, it was the time spent getting to the airport, during the layover, going through customs, and getting to the resort that was consuming.  Our outgoing trip was eleven hours door to door, and the return thirteen.  We really didn't think this whole thing through.

The engagement party in Colorado a few weeks prior provided us with a sort of trial run.  It was a three day trip, but from the volume of luggage we had you would have thought we had brought all of our worldly belongings.  Car seat, stroller, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, baby spoon, baby bowl, baby food, hair bows, sunscreen, lotion, baby wash, baby brush, hat, socks, shoes, clothes in case the weather is hot, clothes in case the weather is cold, extra clothes in case she sh*#s herself.

And then there are the toys.  This was Bitty's first flight and I had no idea how she would handle it.  I wanted to be sure to have enough toys to transition to something new every five minutes, which is about how long her attention span is.  The flight was four hours.

My two worst fears were that she would poop on the plane and I would need to change her in that tiny disgusting bathroom, and secondly that she would scream bloody murder and we would be "those" parents.   As it turned out, Bitty was WONDERFUL on both the outgoing and return flights.  She actually didn't want to  play with ANY of her toys.  She just needed a paci for take-off and landing, and other than that, she was only interested in people watching and napping.  She took a two and a half hour nap both ways.  The passengers seated nearby remarked that she was the best baby they had ever seen on a plane;  the only sounds she made were soft little baby coos.

It couldn't have gone any better except for one little thing.  Forty-five minutes before we touched down, she decided to take a big giant messy poop (here I am talking about poop again...sorry, but it's just a big part of life when you have a baby).  Ok, backtrack a little bit....historically, Bitty has never been a big pooper.  For the longest time she was on the once-a-week plan, but what she lacked in frequency she made up for in volume.  Around the time of our Colorado trip, we were starting to add more of a variety of solids to her repitoire, and that kept things moving a bit more often.  During the three days we were in Denver she hadn't pooped at all, apparently waiting for a grand reveal on the airplane.  Changing a poopy diaper in the airplane bathroom is as bad as I had imagined.  I think it would be easier to change a diaper while skiing downhill on one foot.  In a blizzard.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep the baby from touching anything in that tiny space.  Which is so revoltingly gross, read this if you don't believe me.

So aside from the poopy incident,  the Denver flights couldn't have gone better.  Mark and I were so smug.  We couldn't understand what the problem was with all of those babies shrieking and carrying on during flights.    Our angelic child was the model passenger.  This Mexico thing was going to be a breeze.  In fact, I only packed one toy in the diaper bag this time.  Probably wouldn't even need it.

Bitty made us pay for our arrogance shortly after we buckled our seat belts.  A switch was turned during the weeks that elapsed between trips in which Bitty went from a content little princess simply entertained by novel surroundings to an avaricious little monster who must obtain each and every visible object for immediate tasting.  As I'm sure you can picture, on an airplane everything is either bolted down or in the seat pockets, neither of which make acceptable teething devices.  Bitty was underwhelmed by all of our attempts to entertain her and expressed her displeasure in such a way that would rival the temper of Alexander The Great.

I know we weren't the only ones who were relieved when we got off of that plane.