Terror On The Plane

We recently returned from a week long trip to Cozumel, Mexico, where we celebrated  the nuptials of my little sister.  We brought Bitty along with us because (a) this trip was so dang expensive there is no way that we are taking any sort of family vacation this year, and (b) even with brainpower combined, we have the foresight of a sea sponge.

The amount of actual in-air flying time wasn't so horrible, it was the time spent getting to the airport, during the layover, going through customs, and getting to the resort that was consuming.  Our outgoing trip was eleven hours door to door, and the return thirteen.  We really didn't think this whole thing through.

The engagement party in Colorado a few weeks prior provided us with a sort of trial run.  It was a three day trip, but from the volume of luggage we had you would have thought we had brought all of our worldly belongings.  Car seat, stroller, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, baby spoon, baby bowl, baby food, hair bows, sunscreen, lotion, baby wash, baby brush, hat, socks, shoes, clothes in case the weather is hot, clothes in case the weather is cold, extra clothes in case she sh*#s herself.

And then there are the toys.  This was Bitty's first flight and I had no idea how she would handle it.  I wanted to be sure to have enough toys to transition to something new every five minutes, which is about how long her attention span is.  The flight was four hours.

My two worst fears were that she would poop on the plane and I would need to change her in that tiny disgusting bathroom, and secondly that she would scream bloody murder and we would be "those" parents.   As it turned out, Bitty was WONDERFUL on both the outgoing and return flights.  She actually didn't want to  play with ANY of her toys.  She just needed a paci for take-off and landing, and other than that, she was only interested in people watching and napping.  She took a two and a half hour nap both ways.  The passengers seated nearby remarked that she was the best baby they had ever seen on a plane;  the only sounds she made were soft little baby coos.

It couldn't have gone any better except for one little thing.  Forty-five minutes before we touched down, she decided to take a big giant messy poop (here I am talking about poop again...sorry, but it's just a big part of life when you have a baby).  Ok, backtrack a little bit....historically, Bitty has never been a big pooper.  For the longest time she was on the once-a-week plan, but what she lacked in frequency she made up for in volume.  Around the time of our Colorado trip, we were starting to add more of a variety of solids to her repitoire, and that kept things moving a bit more often.  During the three days we were in Denver she hadn't pooped at all, apparently waiting for a grand reveal on the airplane.  Changing a poopy diaper in the airplane bathroom is as bad as I had imagined.  I think it would be easier to change a diaper while skiing downhill on one foot.  In a blizzard.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep the baby from touching anything in that tiny space.  Which is so revoltingly gross, read this if you don't believe me.

So aside from the poopy incident,  the Denver flights couldn't have gone better.  Mark and I were so smug.  We couldn't understand what the problem was with all of those babies shrieking and carrying on during flights.    Our angelic child was the model passenger.  This Mexico thing was going to be a breeze.  In fact, I only packed one toy in the diaper bag this time.  Probably wouldn't even need it.

Bitty made us pay for our arrogance shortly after we buckled our seat belts.  A switch was turned during the weeks that elapsed between trips in which Bitty went from a content little princess simply entertained by novel surroundings to an avaricious little monster who must obtain each and every visible object for immediate tasting.  As I'm sure you can picture, on an airplane everything is either bolted down or in the seat pockets, neither of which make acceptable teething devices.  Bitty was underwhelmed by all of our attempts to entertain her and expressed her displeasure in such a way that would rival the temper of Alexander The Great.

I know we weren't the only ones who were relieved when we got off of that plane.